Ever realized that you’ve gone past your reserves and burned your energy down to less than nothing? I’m right there. I am exhausted, emotional and angry.
There are a number of ways I usually find grounding in order not to feel out of balance in this way.
Feeling a sense of purpose (e.g. through work, or being a good friend or stranger).
And I’ve actually been ticking all these boxes pretty consistently, but this time it just didn’t suffice. I am super tired, disconnected from soul and body, and furious at myself and the world for causing this to happen.
Usually I like to blog from the sunny, other side of this experience: when I’m all wise and well again, ready to hand out tips for staying in balance. Right now, I know exactly what those tips are, and have followed them. It just hasn’t bloody worked.
The reason for this unanticipated collapse?
I guess it’s an issue of duration: I underestimated the impact of being without a home for this long. Every time I felt doubt or tiredness I figured, hey, this has been going way longer than I thought already, surely I can sustain this indefinitely!
I know many friends as well as clients who can relate to this: habitually going way too far over your boundaries. And learning from it, but still doing it again. And again.
I’ve become better at guarding those boundaries as I get older. But this time I pushed it way too far, gave too much and now find myself crying on the floor. In the car. At the supermarket checkout.
Like everything, I know this too will pass. My malaise will dissipate, my perspective will return and I will get through the challenges I face, even if they currently feel overwhelming. But for now it’s true: even life coaches get the blues.