Lately I’ve been focusing on clarity and honesty. Not that I was a compulsive liar, but I have a historical habit of trying to please people and subordinating my wishes to whatever desires I suspect others might have. 
In recent years I have become much better at ascertaining and articulating what I want – now it’s my regular MO. But before, I frequently swallowed my preferences or nuanced my opinion out of a need to be liked and/or a fear of rejection. This was both exhausting and boring, but for a long while it felt like a safe path.

Trying to meet the expectations I think someone else might have of me doesn’t serve anyone. It’s actually kind of crazy. Despite this awareness, I recently ended up in an enormous, painful argument with someone I care about due to miscommunication founded on us each fearing offending the other. I’m still learning.

The irony is: when I try to win over others by subjugating my honest perspectives and preferences, I become bland – I dull my own sparkle and waste precious time and energy. Trying to please others drains me and inevitably damages the very relationship I sought to protect.

When I am clear with myself and others about what I want, life is easier. Being my genuine self, expressing all the strange opinions that I have, takes much less effort than trying to second guess what everyone else wants to hear. Moreover, the people I love and who love me don’t want faux. Me neither. Life’s too fucking short for fake. 

Sometimes it takes courage. At times I still stumble. But honesty and clarity, owning my views and desires and listening openly those of others, makes my life much richer than any faux bullshit ever did.